PHOTO: Seri woman of Sonora Mexico by BERNICE JOHNSTON
“Living through enough, we all come to this understanding, though it is difficult to accept: No matter what path we choose to honor, there will always be conflict to negotiate.
“If we choose to avoid all conflict with others, we will eventually breed a poisonous conflict within ourselves.
“Likewise, if we manage to attend our inner lives, who we are will -sooner or later- create some discord with those who would rather have us be something else.
“In effect, the cost of being who you are is that you can’t possibly meet everyone’s expectations, and so, there will inevitably, be external conflict to deal with- the friction of being visible.
“Still, the cost of not being who you are is that while you are busy pleasuring everyone around you, a precious part of you is dying inside; in this case, there will be internal conflict to deal with – the friction of being invisible.
“As for me, it’s taken me thirty of my forty-nine years to realize that not being who I am is more deadly, and it has taken the last nineteen years to try and make a practice of this.
“What this means, in a daily way, is that I have to be conscientious about being truthful and resist the urge to accommodate my truth away…
Center yourself and meditate on a decision before you that might generate some conflict; either within you, if you withhold who you are, or between yourself and others, if you exert who you are.
Breathe steadily and feel both the friction of being invisible and the friction of being visible
Breathe slowly and know that you are larger than any moment of conflict
Breathe deeply and know that who you are can withstand the experience of conflict that living requires.”
~Mark Nepo from The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present in the Life You Have
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21 comments
LoLo says:
Apr 7, 2014
Yep.
Sarah says:
Apr 7, 2014
THANK YOU!
Munda says:
Apr 8, 2014
thank you so much for publishing this
lisa says:
Apr 8, 2014
Cheers, found you on face book and bought the book from mark nepo
Alexandra says:
Apr 10, 2014
How much do I share to be seen to be heard to be accepted if I don’t accept myself first and work with it with how much more I accept this moment , this situation created from before not known by me and see clearly more and yet accept this instant always…
Ivy says:
Apr 14, 2014
I bought the book – just wonderful! Needed to read this today – very appreciative of your site. Namaste
Rev. Safiya says:
Apr 16, 2014
Wow your site is just so right on, thanks for making it happen for all of us cosmic mammas <3
Richard Hammond says:
Apr 18, 2014
Aloha! So true and well written! I crashed into the wall at age 48 and fortunately survived. Being the deep seeking Pisces that I am – according to my beautiful Shamanic Healer, I’m healing, awakening and enjoying the view now at 52 – although many challenges exist on the plate. After the personal “Tsunami” of epic loss blew over – literally being reduced to nothing, I had to look deep within if I were to survive the aftermath. My first published book titled “Uncomfortably Numb” was healing and therapy for me and I now understand that they’re all just stories – the observer viewing the observed. Now is the time, we are the future. I’m jazzed that I connected to your wonderful web-site and wish you the very best on your journey…
Richard Hammond
Author of “Uncomfortably Numb”
http://www.thenumbbook.com
Priscilla says:
Apr 24, 2014
Indeed! Thank you
Tonia says:
Apr 29, 2014
So grateful for your conveyance of the truths that I so need to hear
Miranda says:
Jul 12, 2014
It is so true…being authentic requires us to be very brave warriors at times. Being authentic is not for the faint of heart! Being true has caused me to have to be more courageous than I ever thought…in that sense, the peace of authenticity is a sacred honor.
Darlene says:
Sep 14, 2014
Love Love This!!!!
Blair says:
Feb 4, 2015
Boy did I need to hear this today!
Maria Alejandra Tarallo says:
Jun 25, 2015
So beautifull. Thank you for sharing this wonderful truth.
Tess says:
Jun 26, 2015
Thank you! Thank you for bringing these truths forth!
Jreneeb says:
Jun 26, 2015
Perfect timing. Every single word. Namaste ♥
Eebeeb says:
Jun 27, 2015
Oh my! How apt for right now….perfect timing. This definitely helped me to find a little more clarity regarding my present situation. Thankyou!
SettleDownKids says:
Jun 29, 2015
So..another, “damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” warning…our existence is governed by others, because to be at peace with and true to yourself means capitulation, not liberation. As Camus said: “Hell is other people.” In Nepos’ statement, we must carefully prepare, and learn to navigate through that, “hell of other people,” because if we abandon connection with people, and celebrate our true selves, we can only expect hell from within.
How “encouraging.”
mm says:
Oct 10, 2016
That might be what Camus said but not what Mark Nepo is saying in this passage. He’s not talking about “abandoning connection with people” he’s just saying that inevitably “No matter what path we choose to honor, there will always be conflict to negotiate.” In life, we are not going to be able to please everybody and it’s important to be true to who we are and not accommodate our truth away for the sake of others or avoid conflict. Very important lesson!
CG says:
Oct 12, 2016
I couldn’t have read this at a better time. Thank you. It becomes so exhausting to please others. I end up feeling depleted when I do. Then, when I say “no” and step up to speak my truth by expressing my boundaries, I feel the sting on how people take it. I was starting to feel mentally/physically sick by constantly pleasing a new friend and I had to finally step up and speak my truth.
I even told myself that maybe it is best to stay away from everyone for a long while. I am hyper-sensitive (Cancerian-Moonchild) and I prefer to spend a lot of time alone, but I also need balance. I don’t wanna become this isolated person for fear of upsetting other people because I don’t always want to please and give. The truth is I have certain people in social media that just want to leech or cling on to me to meet other people or gain something. All they do is take, take, take. I learned something about myself recently. I invite people I don’t know too well (too soon) into my life/home etc… I should take it slower. What can I say? I do enjoy giving, but find that I am attracting vampiric energies into my life. I need to know how to protect myself from these people.
Valentina says:
Oct 12, 2016
This is absolute genius wisdom! Thank you