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“For many people, asking is the most difficult form of speaking out…”
“Asking —for the words, touches, reactions, gifts, responses, things to be done, ways to behave toward you, that you need— can be a very scary thing. That’s because when we ask, we’re vulnerable, and when we’re vulnerable we’re in touch with all the ways that we don’t love ourselves.
“If you feel big, strong, hand-some, whole and worthy, it’s not very scary to ask for the moon-or anything else. But if you feel small, unworthy, crinkled, and unsure of your own value, it can be very difficult indeed.
“When you ask, you’re revealing your lack, your need, a gap in the fabric of your reality. When you ask, you’re taking the risk of asking another person to love and serve you in some particular way, and not because you’re the king or the queen of the mountain, but because you’re in need.
“Asking reveals your vulnerability. And when you reveal your vulnerability, you create a situation in which another person has power over you. You’re in need; they can fulfill your need— and how they’ll use their power remains to be seen.
“Will they lord it over you that you’re the pitiful desperate unfulfilled person who needs their praise, help, support, and inspiration?
“Or will they lovingly, gladly give you what you’ve asked for because, unlike you, they have already seen your value- they love you, it is their joy to give to you.
“Asking also opens you to another vulnerability. In revealing your need, you have to face any remaining questions of your ‘unworthiness.’ You have to step through the walls of your fears and behave as is you were already convinced enough of your own value to take a risk, to behave as if you’re already deserving.
“Amazingly, you start feeling a little bit more as if you’re as strong or worthy or deserving as you appeared to be because you had the courage to ask.
“Each time you ask, each time you do take the risk, the struggling-to-love-yourself-you inside you is cheering you on and saying, ‘ I knew you could do it! I knew you were worth it!’
“And each time you get results, you’ll feel stronger, clearer, and more self-loving just because you did ask.”
~Daphne Rose Kingma from Loving Yourself
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12 comments
Philip Bond says:
Sep 7, 2013
When confronted with a situation, I have to ask. Sometimes truest ion are not always expected maybe not welcomed but if important enough must be heard.
Heaher says:
Sep 8, 2013
truth!
Linnea Johansson says:
Sep 8, 2013
This is so true..thank you for speading light on this :)
Elisa Lipton @ Beach Girl Abroad says:
Sep 8, 2013
just what i needed!
Donna says:
Sep 8, 2013
Thanks..asking has been difficult at times..needed to read this today!
Ensi says:
Sep 11, 2013
Thank you for this.
Jean says:
Sep 13, 2013
but when you ask and you get rejection or NO…again and again and again…you learn not to ask. You learn its a set-up. But when that happens at least you have some facts. That the person did not respond in a loving way so then its time to make some choices.
jp11 says:
Sep 16, 2013
perfectly said.
CL says:
Feb 2, 2014
If it’s true what they say, “It never hurts to ask.”, then we must always ask with an understanding heart, an open mind, and acceptance of the answer.
mzie says:
Jun 11, 2014
yeap this words are so true.
Charlene says:
Jun 24, 2016
Dearest Daphne Rose,
Thank you so much for these guiding words of wisdom. My whole life I have mumbled down my path, meandering along and missing out because of my own insecurities and fear to ask. This post gives me courage to ask for help so that one day I can discover my true voice.
Stay Blessed,
Charlene Ann
Emma Jean says:
Jun 25, 2016
This is divinely recieved and bring such a beautiful confidence and softness to my heart. Thank you so much for these beautiful words….
Deepest love,
Emma Jean x